Q: I’m in the middle of a divorce, and I’ve started to suspect that my spouse is using our finances to control me.
I feel like they’re withholding money, making it difficult for me to access our joint accounts — they’ve even stopped paying for some shared bills.
My friends say this is ‘financial abuse.’ What is this, and what should I do?
A: This is such a difficult situation. Financial abuse is unfortunately a common tactic used in divorces, and it has serious emotional and financial consequences.
What exactly is financial abuse? In simple terms, financial abuse occurs when one partner uses finances to control or manipulate the other.
This can involve preventing access to joint accounts, withholding money, forcing the other to take on debt, or even hiding assets that are meant to be shared.
Financial abuse is recognized in Ontario as a form of family violence, highlighting its serious impact on individuals’ well-being and security.
In the event of separation, pets are treated the same as your big-screen TV, Lisa Gelman writes.
If you’re concerned that you may be experiencing financial abuse in your relationship, there are several red flags to be cautious of.
One sign is if your spouse prevents or discourages you from getting a job or earning your own money.
Another indication is if you have been restricted from accessing shared accounts, or even your own account, leaving you financially dependent.
Additionally, some abusers will refuse to share important financial information, such bank statements and investment records.
These behaviours are just a few indicators of financial abuse and should not be overlooked.
Financial abuse is a pattern of behaviour that develops over time. To better protect yourself, keep a detailed record of financially abusive behaviours that will help illustrate the abuser’s guilt.
The Ontario Family Law Act, writes lawyer Lisa Gelman, defines a parent as a person who has
Now that we’ve established what financial abuse is and what signs to look out for, how does this effect your separation or divorce?
Financial abuse can have a profound impact on your separation or divorce, particularly when there are young children involved.
During a divorce, the financial abuser may withhold child and/or spousal support. They may also withhold funds needed to pay for divorce proceedings or incur debt during property division following the divorce.
Abusers uses these tactics to maintain power, leaving you in a vulnerable position when it comes to dividing assets and negotiating a fair settlement.
If you believe you are a victim of financial abuse, there are steps you can take to protect yourself.
To start, document everything. Do your best to keep a detailed record of all financial interactions, including communication, or evidence that your spouse is hiding assets, withholding money or controlling finances.
Try to minimize conflict with your ex, and his new partner, writes Lisa Gelman, so that your
If you have not already, open a separate bank account in your own name. This way, you can start building your own financial independence.
If your spouse is not allowing you to access the funds necessary for you proceed with a separation, you may obtain a court order to protect your right to joint property or finances.
My primary piece of advice is to consult with a family lawyer if you find yourself in this situation.
A family lawyer will ensure your rights are upheld, especially when financial abuse is involved.
It’s important to recognize that financial abuse is not only damaging to your finances but also to your emotional well-being.
Taking the necessary steps to protect yourself and seek legal assistance can help you regain control over your financial future as you move through the separation or divorce process.
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