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So, what does mat leave look like when you’re a freelancer? It just doesn’t happen. “I was already working a month after I had my son,” said freelance photographer Jorian Charlton, mom of Soleil, 5, and Kade, 2. “My husband and I are both self-employed and neither one of us has benefits — I felt like I couldn’t take any time.”

After speaking to four pc28����freelance photographers who are in their early era, it’s clear that Canada’s mat-leave policy doesn’t offer a lot of support for this group. All of them took jobs in the first month or so after giving birth, citing financial concerns and the competitive nature of their work.

There is an when freelancing or self-employed, but the program doesn’t make sense for everyone, and one photographer’s accountant even advised her against it. You need to register well before you become pregnant, so many don’t even get the opportunity to consider it.

That means the happy anticipation of parenthood is often coupled with major concerns about job security and money. “I was irrationally terrified I would never work again,” said photographer Jenna Marie Wakani, who has two children, Lou, 7, and Oscar, 4. “I took on even more work than usual in a panic.”

The competitive nature of the industry — there’s always another photographer waiting in the wings — can make it feel perilous to take any time away. “As soon as you pass someone off once, maybe next time they just call the new person again — that’s always the fear,” said photographer Nicole Shabada, mom of Remy, 2 1/2, and Indy, two months. “Scarcity mindset creeps in, so you try to find a way to make it work.” That fear is based in reality: Shabada has lost clients after referring them to other photographers.

If you do book a job, taking on an assignment when you have a newborn isn’t straightforward. It often requires bringing the baby to set, especially if breastfeeding, and asking partners or parents to be on standby. You’re still healing from labour, or at the very least, uncomfortable. Wakani accepted an assignment at three weeks postpartum. “My first job back, I foolishly wore a white dress shirt and leaked right through it,” said Wakani. “My oldest refused bottles and my husband had to drive her to wherever I was working to feed.”

This relies on clients being understanding about breaks or accommodations for a small child. Wakani prioritized jobs with long-term clients who understood her temporary limitations. But it can feel like asking for special treatment. “I don’t like asking for special requests, but I also don’t want to lose my client,” said Shabada.

It’s not an irrational fear: Photographer Natasha Gerschon’s income declined after she announced her first pregnancy. “I had clients not call me because they assumed I wasn’t working,” said the mom of Lucia, 5 1/2, and Sofia, 18 months; she’s currently pregnant with her third child. While motherhood did bring her some new clients, and one tripled her fee to make it worth her while to take a job just two weeks after giving birth, others never called her back. “That first pregnancy experience affected me deeply. I didn’t think that would happen, that people would put me in a different category because I am a mom,” she said.

For her second and third pregnancies, Gerschon didn’t share the news with anyone in the industry. “Nobody knows I had a second kid; no one knows I’m pregnant right now until they see me.” This has everything to do with the fear of losing clients. “Some of my clients book me a year in advance — even before I knew I was pregnant — and I was afraid they would just cancel on me, even though I have good relationships with them.”

It comes down to having to depend on the generosity of others, something that is generally accepted as the reality. “It’s a volatile industry and hard to step away for any length of time. I don’t know if there is any way to address that,” said Wakani. “I knew that going in.”

The answer is not one size fits all. But comprehensive benefits and flexibility for those who work on a contract basis would take some stress off. “More and better funded parental leave and support would benefit families across the board,” said Wakani.

Flexible child care options would also be a game-changer for mothers working in the contract and gig economy. “I wish there were more drop-in options for daycare,” said Shabada. Creative work schedules are unpredictable, so committing to full-time daycare doesn’t make sense, but more part-time options or relaxed drop-ins would be invaluable.

“With freelancing, you kind of have to trust that things will work out or else you’re always stressed,” said Shabada. But, she notes, you need to be practical and prepared as well. It would be easier to do both — trust and prepare — with more support.

As with so many aspects of motherhood, the biggest struggles are often the internal ones. “I think all moms can relate to that feeling of wanting to do it all and wanting to prove that they can still do what they used to before kids,” said Gerschon.

These women all say they’re happy to work hard at balancing motherhood and their careers — and love both of those roles. But it hasn’t been easy. “As soon as I had an opportunity, I took it because I worried so much about finances,” said Charlton. “I really wish I was able to truly take time off to rest and recover.”