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Here’s what the experts have to say about airplane etiquette and what we — and our fellow passengers — can do to help each other get by while in the sky.

Seats on flights in Canada have no regulated minimum size, and airlines make room for more of them by making seats thinner, using less material, said Gabor Lukacs, president of Air Passenger Rights, a Canadian non-profit.

Some airlines configure seats differently so it doesn’t feel you are sitting closer to your neighbours, even though you are, said Lukacs.

And there is a trend that airlines sell shared seat-pitch — the space between your own seat and the back of the seat in front of you, said Lukacs, adding that “in this type of arrangement, passengers are pitted against passengers.”

Battles between airline passengers over reclining chairs do happen, said Kate Pepper, a Toronto-based travel influencer, flight attendant with Porter Airlines, and pilot-in-training, who has witnessed heated debates and spilled drinks. 

In one case, while the person in front “had waited a long time to recline their seat” — not until after flight attendants collected garbage — they didn’t check behind them before reclining, said Pepper, and “the person behind had ordered a plethora of drinks that spilled on them.

“It was a really bad situation,” she said. 

While the person reclining was apologetic, the person spilled on was irate, she said. And a quick glance back before reclining may have avoided that.

The right and wrong times to recline

Toronto-based etiquette coach and owner of Business of Manners consultancy, Adeodata Czink, said while she advises against reclining chairs on planes, there are still courteous ways to check in with the person behind you and communicate your wish to recline.

If you are going to recline, ease into it. Do not suddenly recline, said Czink. Instead, she suggests turning around to ask the person that you’re going to inconvenience, “Would it be too much of an inconvenience if I just recline my seat a little bit?”

Do not recline “right at the beginning of a flight, or when you get food,” said Czink, “I have had people right in front of me who do that, and it’s a sudden, wham,” she said, “especially if you’ve got some food on your tray still.”

Instead, she suggests waiting until the most appropriate time, and even then, always checking in with your neighbours.

It’s about being mindful of other people and what the person behind you is doing, added Pepper. You can give them a heads-up, she said, “No one wants to wear red wine.”

How much is too much to recline?

Reclining chairs usually have different levels of recline, said Czink, adding she never reclines to the full extent the chair can. Instead, she eases her chair into the first pre-set level, and stays there.

It’s important to remember, said Pepper, “it’s OK for other people to recline their seat.”

“Seats on a plane recline for a reason,” said Pepper, “people are trying to rest, especially on a night flight and that’s OK.”

Consideration is key

“End of the day, etiquette is all about how you make other people feel,” said Nuwan Sirimanna, etiquette coach and founder of Etiquette Matters, based in Oakville.

“Consideration, respect and honesty are the three principles of etiquette,” said Sirimanna, noting “it applies in every interaction.”

“When it comes to reclining seats, technically passengers have the right to recline,” said Sirimanna. “But when it comes to etiquette, it’s about being mindful for others,” he said.

“I always say, just because you can, doesn’t mean you should,” said Sirimanna, “At least not without consideration.”

Mentally prepare before a flight

Travel can be stressful and uncomfortable, especially on flights without fresh air or much ability to move around, leaving people more easily agitated. The key, said Sirimanna, is to feel mentally prepared to keep your cool, even when things do not go as planned.

“If we crowd too many people for too long in too small a space, it is likely to create some aggression, likely to cause some problems,” said Lukacs.

One of the best tips just before travelling is to imagine in your mind your flight and long journey, said Sirimanna. “Visualize that not everything will go as smoothly as you expect and there could be unexpected scenarios or difficulties that arise,” he said. Do this first, and “then mentally you are prepared before you face it.”

If someone is not sharing space, how you react will also influence the outcome of the situation, especially midflight.

Unspoken rule of the arm rest and other airplane etiquette

The window seat passenger gets the wall to lean against, and the aisle seat passenger gets extra leg room and easier access to get up, but the middle seat has no advantage, so that passenger should have access to both armrests, for comfort said Sirimanna.

Overhead bin space is not assigned to seats, but belongs to the plane, and snagging a spot for your stuff can be another pain. Passengers might not feel they should need to, but placing items at your feet can help. If you do use an overhead compartment, don’t fill the bin just for yourself, and ask before you move around anyone else’s bags, said Pepper.

When it comes to noise, make sure your headphones are at a reasonable volume and not something others can hear, too. 

Avoid strong fragrances, since people can have allergies or other sensitivities.

Removing shoes on a plane can be uncomfortable for those around you. If you anticipate needing to loosen your shoes for comfort or medical reasons, wear socks and shoes that can still be worn, while also feeling loose.